Audio shared by Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Welcome to our office hours.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Turn on a little more light.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So I want to explore…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Kind of back to foundations, yoga and social justice, trauma-informed yoga and social justice, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): you, right? Me. Because it starts right here.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And then allows us to move.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Out from there.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Mmm… just pulled yourself away from birdwatching. That's amazing.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah, just seeing what… Folks are sharing.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Tired, pensive, content, grateful.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): A little sleepy, full of gratitude.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): getting ready to plant vegetables in new vegetable beds. We're coming up to that time of year where it's like…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Spring, we can feel spring.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Hmm… Reflective and sad, but also optimistic.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah, relief.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And gratitude.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so, I just… honoring…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): you, as you're showing up, and also a reminder that some of us have been kind of on this exploration for a long time, you know, maybe a year, maybe a decade, maybe our whole lives, and then some folks are coming in super fresh, like.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Just maybe this month, or with recent political kind of upheaval and, challenges.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I think one of the things that makes this particular space so special is…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): we're all welcome, right? Like, yes, it can be hard if your whole life you've had to deal with racial injustice or gender oppression, and someone is just waking up to that, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Like, in the big scope of things, when we pull back from a yogic perspective of unity, however we get.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): to those ahas, or those insights, or those liberations, right? Because looking at suffering is part of, clearly, is part of what it means to start to taste freedom.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And it doesn't mean you have to, like, be okay with someone waking up to something you've lived your whole life.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): But in this space, we welcome all of the avenues and pathways to liberation.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I get the sense from folks that, that that is a lot of the work that you're doing in your own lives and in your communities as well. And so having a space to also be able to just process, you know, the frustrations as well,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): however they might be arising. I think that's part of it.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And… So our reflections today is around how trauma-informed yoga and yoga for social justice is not…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): really a set of techniques, so much as a way of relating, right? A way of relating to ourselves, a way of relating to the world.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And exploring how these practices, yoga itself, helps us become people who create conditions of dignity, and of humanity, and justice, and healing.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): imperfectly, right? That can sound really, like.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Like, a big task, but we don't have to do it perfectly.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So the theme I want to bring forward, and this, like, fits so perfectly with a lot of what you all were sharing, is…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): how is it with you, right? What is emerging in you? What is changing in you?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): From a trauma-informed yoga perspective, like, self-awareness, vad yaya.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And… sovereignty.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so I wanted… in a moment, we'll do a little practice.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Let me just put those…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So sovereignty and self-reflection, right? Like, in this moment, we're kind of moving into spring, how…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Are you doing with safety, with dignity, with agency?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): with yourself.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I don't mean, like…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): again, to look at yourself with this critical eye of, like, oh, I'm doing terribly. It's okay, right? It's like, with… I think the other piece is, like, with compassion, and in this case, self-compassion,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): how is it going? And being really honest as well, practicing satya. So I'll give a personal example. I do feel like…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): like, some of the sovereignty question that I'm carrying into this time, and I'll journal about it when we're journaling, is…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): what at this stage, and in this moment in my life, and with the causes and conditions that are present for me now, what does sovereignty look like now, right? It's different than the stage when I was an early parent.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): different than at the stage when I was early and running my own thing, or when I was a teacher working for LA Unified, you know, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): there's maybe some echoes of things from that time that I need to revisit now, but from a different vantage point. So,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So really just taking time to pause, to kind of pull back on our lives big picture, which so often we can be, like, really in it.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And Explorer… that big picture of, like, becoming, right? Like…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): One more thing I'll say, then we'll do a little practice, and then some journaling.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): One definition of yoga, one interpretation of what yoga is that aligns with many different schools, is
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): A path of becoming.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): By becoming, we're talking about the little S self, like Catherine, or Jenna, or Miriam, or, you know, Lanisha, or Stardust, like.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): the unique self.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): becoming… Their fullest, whole, most complete expression of yourselves.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): That is in harmony and in connection with the whole. With the part of us that everyone here, and everyone listening to the recording, and everyone in our lives, and beyond that, past, present, future, we're all always already connected.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so we each have a unique arc, or perhaps, like, rollercoaster for some of us, or, like, many arcs on our journey of becoming.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And depending on the perspective you take, maybe we have lifetimes or cycles. You know, some of us think of this as reincarnation, you know, as part of it, and so we get many cycles of becoming, but you don't need to believe in reincarnation.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): to see how we've lived, perhaps, many lives within even just this lifetime, right? So, in the span of becoming your growth path.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Pulling back a little bit to see, rather than, like, just in this little arc, which, for example, my arc is.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): perimenopause, child in this point, you know, working in the world, right? Like, there's some very specific things, but when I pull back, it's like, oh, right.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): On my journey of becoming.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): how am I doing, right? Like…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): what am I… what is important for me to be aware of? What responsibility? What dignity? What sovereignty?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): is there. And so, just pausing before we go into a practice and then some journaling to see if anyone has any questions or thoughts. I know this is… again, I feel like sometimes…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): These days, I'm a little less linear.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): and there's two reasons for that. One is perimenopause. And two is…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): the experience of yoga as unity is not gonna happen with our minds. It's gonna happen in symbols, and signs, and sensations and feelings.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so I'm letting myself play with being less linear.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): explicitly in these spaces, with the idea that over time, it's sort of like light dawning slowly over the hole, right? We're watering these seeds, and something will emerge. But I also understand that that can feel a little unsettling sometimes for folks, so just pausing to see if there's any questions or inquiries.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Cleo, I find that I am currently working on finding a workable balance between sovereignty, yes, totally, hard to spell. I am always spelling sovereignty and privilege totally, you know…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Like, creatively. And Ahimsa, asserting myself without lashing out or stepping it in, but something in between that I don't know yet how to name.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm working so hard to limit my own harm after accepting it for too long, and yet I don't want to be someone else's anxiety in the moment. I really love, Cleo, that you brought out this tension between Ahimsa and sovereignty. I think we talk a lot about the tension between Ahimsa and Satya.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Like, is it truthful? Is it kind, right? Is it non-harm? But…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Sovereignty in Ahimses is very deep.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And it's like that tension on your own arc of becoming.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): with the whole. And that tension can show up with people in our lives, as well.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm having a hard time understanding what you mean by sovereignty in this context, yeah. So sovereignty is…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It… in a yogic context, It's Ishwarah. It's the divine… Within each of us.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): The part of us that's always already whole and complete and perfect as we are, and that's completely unique and connected
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): to everything else. So, like, you know when… like a… like, just a little example of…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I have a friend who just went on a trip today for a medical conference, she's a doctor, and she messaged me, she's like, I totally bungled this trip.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And she made, you know, a couple, like, logistical errors. Expired license, can't rent the car, right? But it's, like, that inner conversation of, like, I completely messed this up.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Versus, from a sovereignty place in that moment. And she, of course, she will get there, but it is, like…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): okay, I surrender. I obviously wasn't meant to rent a car in this moment, you know, either I'm gonna go less places, or, you know, we have solutions, like Lyft, or… like, this is a very practical example, but sovereignty is that inner power that no one can give us and no one can take away.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And it's a power that yoga cultivates. It's you or I in our highest alignment, right? In our… in our clarity, in our,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): in what we're here to do. And it can show up in really basic, simple ways, like that, you know?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It can also be… I want to bring in the historical, political, sovereignty… in India, under British rule.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): yoga's sovereignty was used to remind the great majority of Indian folks that they had power, despite British rule. The minority of people in the country who had guns, yes, political power, some economic, or a lot of economic power.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): But there was a kind of self-determination that could… Overthrow that, that control.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so sovereignty in that…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): context is what enabled the freedom fighters, and many everyday people who didn't think of themselves as freedom fighters, right? Because I know with everyone here, some of us are like, yes, I'm an activist, and some of us are like, oh no, I am a knitter, and I do yoga, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): You know, I'll talk to my friends and family, but I'm not a… I'm not a warrior. That's… no, that's for other people. And that's great, like, this is part of the arc, right? Not everyone's arc has to look the same. And so, yes, there were freedom fighters, but there were also, like, grandmas and aunties and nephews and nieces who…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): had the… teaching of Swaraj, self-rule, which is related to… to sovereignty,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): sua self-raj rule, right? That's literally what sovereignty is, and they were learning this through…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Often, it would be passed through, like.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): kulas, sanghas, communities, sometimes yoga teachers, but often it would be, like, in the temples, or in the community spaces, or in schools, right? It wasn't always in a formal, like, yoga teaching structure, or spiritual teaching structure.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And that practice led people to say, oh, okay, I don't need to buy British
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): materials. I don't need to, you know, pay the tax on salt. I can go and defy the law, but get my own salt from the sea. Led to the salt march, right? And so, over time, it's not like it was like this. I think the other piece is sovereignty
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It happens over time, both culturally, politically, and personally.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so from the first, kind of, uplifting of those teachings, which is in, like, 1930s in India, it took 20-plus years to get to independence. Early 1920s, it took…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): almost 30 years, right, for liberation. Political liberation.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): You can also argue that we're in a backswing in India, politically, right? Of, like, a real loss of sovereignty and right-wing, you know, political control, and the work of that
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): the sovereignty work is still happening on… in smaller pockets, right? It doesn't go away, it just kind of changes. So…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I hope that that…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Helped Jenna and Marisol. How can I best respond to what is true in this moment? Yeah. Does it mean to be truthful between mind and heart, align thoughts and actions? Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I think that, that's exactly it, Miriam. It's sort of like… Sovereignty is…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): acting… it's… yeah, it's integrity. And by integrity, I mean, like, integral.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So, moving with the whole, the whole of you, in relationship with the whole of the world.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Any other thoughts or comments or questions before we do a little practice and some journaling?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I haven't forgotten… we have one practical question, I'll come to it later, I just want to… I wanna begin more here.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Okay, great.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Alright.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So we'll move into a practice. I'm just gonna take a sip of water.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Mmm… Plio, I love the word as well that I can't spell because it elicits the vision of
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah, like, a regal air of movement, yes.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I love that.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So, in our practice, invitation to…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): to respond more intuitively, right? To be less, kind of like, let me do the movement right or correctly, but to feel in your body
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): how does this want to be expressed, or how does, what I say Emerge for you.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Okay.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So we'll begin…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'd love to invite you to begin in your version of Shavasana, so your version of a resting shape, whether that is maybe resting your head on your hands, on the desk, or leaning back in your chair, lying over to one side.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Lying on the ground…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): However you would like to find rest.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Hmm.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And as you let your body… In mind.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Rest.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Seeing if you can let go just a little bit more, if there's any movement or adjustment that can bring you to a little more ease, a little more…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Release.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): How can you practice?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Swirage. Self-rule.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): sovereignty.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): In your own mind, body, spirit.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Maybe releasing and letting a deep breath.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Out.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Maybe… Rolling to one side, or curling up in a ball, or…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Choosing to stay in whatever position.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Your body wants right now, and not moving from that position.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): No matter what I say or do.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Really allowing yourself to experience… Centering your own will.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Your own essence.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): For many of us.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): That awareness can be really attenuated, really hard to tune into, because we're so conditioned.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): To prioritize others.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Or the voice of what is expected, or what we should do.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So letting go, if you can, as much as you can, as much as feels okay for you, of the shoulds, or others, what they need.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And… even what I… you think I think you should be doing, but just truly what… You…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Wish and will.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): From this ground.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): This place of inner sovereignty.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Feel free to choose, perhaps, to stay right here in stillness, or if you're moving, to keep moving.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Invitation to move not in any kind of yogic shape.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): But to allow one limb.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): To move, just as it wishes to, and so it might look like…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): One arm, like your right arm, coming up and feeling it.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Move in space.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Slowly, meditatively.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): That sensation of will.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): meeting…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): The environment around it.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'll be noticing temperature… Form…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It might be slow, or it might be fast.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And perhaps… The other arm or leg wants to join, or… Perhaps it's…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Letting go of the first arm, and the other one comes up and begins to move.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Slow or fast?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Rhythmically, or… In a staccato motion.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm just really feeling… What is it?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): That my body, my will… Wishes to explore, to experience right now.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Maybe your whole torso or your head and neck starts swaying, maybe it's still.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And perhaps your whole body… Leg, or… Back, or spine, or…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Feet. Want to join this movement.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm seeing… What your body… Moving in space.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): We're still in space.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Wishes to explore.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Continuing to move… Or be still.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I wonder if you bring… The quality of safety, moving in a way that…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Feels like it cultivates safety in your body.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Does anything shift?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Perhaps noticing the movement or the stillness.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): The ways that your body… Experiences… Strength.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And tenderness.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And if your body is still moving…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Noticing if you would like to continue moving, or move into stillness.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm feeling… Into your dignity.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Your sovereignty.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And allowing any words or sensations or images.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): to arrive.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Perhaps noticing qualities… Courage. Compassion.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Allow yourself.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): To feel… Your inherent dignity.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): The sovereignty of being… Exactly who you are, in exactly the way that you are.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): This moment of unfolding.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Now letting your awareness pull back to this bigger arc.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): of your becoming.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): You can stay right where you are, or if you would like to move into… Some meditative journaling.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Picking up a pen… Paper, writing into the chat.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Just first thought, best thought.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Around 70… Your own arc of becoming.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): In this moment.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'll journal for a few minutes, I'll play some music without words.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And we'll talk again in time.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm just taking a minute more to finish up your reflections.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Love to invite in if anyone would like to share. No pressure, of course.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): You don't have to read what you wrote, but perhaps there's, like, some… Insights or ahas?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): With a reminder, too, that we all have these different arcs, right? So, what someone shares is their experience, their way of…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Expressing sovereignty, and the beauty in sharing is sometimes, as we see each other kind of exploring or touching into that sovereignty or that unity, it can wake up
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): that experience in others. And so, particularly for shy folks, or if you weren't planning on sharing, but you're like, oh, I did have an aha, or that was… there was something there, an invitation to perhaps consider sharing in the chat or out loud.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Because it may be for you, but it also might be for someone else, and… The circle here.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): Oh, sure.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah, Celine, hi.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): I found while we were in the movement, in the meditative space,
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): you said something about words coming, and so words came. And what came was… Now… Present.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): Attentive.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): Open.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): Responsive.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): And then, in journaling, where that went was…
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): And this is… this is in response to where I am in my cycle of life, which I think may be older than a lot of you, so I'm in a different point of where I am, and I'm shifting out of some of the responsibilities I've had, and…
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): Wondering what's next, so what came was…
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): It is important to resist the pressure to know what's next, and to plan beyond what is emergent, to let my whole being respond to possibilities.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): Rather than just the thinking mind.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): that plans… And… That in this moment, it feels like My foundation, or my…
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): main focus is providing support in the various ways that I can and do.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): That's what came.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you, Celine.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah, I really appreciate that.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I just want to kind of echo for… particularly for folks who are in different stages, and I don't know if this is true for everyone, but when I was younger, so, like, in my teens and 20s, I really felt like there was a plan, and I should have the plan, and I often felt like I was behind the plan, you know, on the plan.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And mine wasn't, like, the have kids and get married and all that, but it was a different kind of plan, like an academic plan. And,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so I just really appreciate that reminder of, like, the great mystery and letting go, because there really is no…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): plan, you know? It… so much has happened in my life.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I've lived almost half a decade now, or I mean, sorry, half a century. Half a decade would be very different.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): That's a long time, you know? That's a long time, and it's also, like, like, nothing.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And… So, thank you for bringing in the mystery. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I believe, I don't… actually, someone else might be able to share, if you know, but I feel like hearing the words, the Great Mystery, I think that's an Indigenous,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): framing Indigenous in the Americas, so I just want to also acknowledge that, in yoga, we have that.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): That terminology comes out of some of the Western mysticism as well.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It's not…
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): I mean, did it come out of Indigenous in Europe? Maybe, I don't know, but the great mystery? It's there in a lot of traditions.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah, that makes sense. There's so, so much that is mysterious.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And then I'm seeing Lanisha says…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Jenna says, I'm feeling like alignment could be really scary. Yes.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): If you want to say more, maybe you did and I didn't see. And then Lanisha says, summarizing touchstone from nonprofit, balance my yearning for change with patience for what can be. Yes, thank you.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): In Grand Durismo, it's known as the fifth Direction. Wow. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Anyone else?
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Jenna, yeah, hi.
Jena McCutchen: I… guess I'll expand a little bit on alignment feeling scary. I'm feeling kind of like I'm definitely in a different arc than Celine was sharing. I feel like my whole life, I've been very good at going with the flow, and like…
Jena McCutchen: Accepting what comes.
Jena McCutchen: oh, I feel a little emotional. And I'm at this point in my life where I need to…
Jena McCutchen: be decisive about, like, a really big choice. I…
Jena McCutchen: about, like, what country I want to, like, immigrate to. Like, if I want to stay here, or if I want to immigrate, to Australia, which…
Jena McCutchen: I had lived there for 5 years, and then life… it's a whole thing, but I'm at this…
Jena McCutchen: very clear crossword road where I need to decide, like, if I will make that big leap and actually
Jena McCutchen: immigrate to Australia, or if I will stay here, and I think, like, when I… I've been actively avoiding this, there's, like, a part of my arc that I've been putting a lot of attention into, and…
Jena McCutchen: part of my arc that I've been very aware that I'm avoiding. And, you know, I'm really focused in the now, but I haven't zoomed out to, like, what, like, the big picture will look like, so thank you for forcing me to examine that today.
Jena McCutchen: And I… I think, when I sit with it, like, the truth is that, like.
Jena McCutchen: I need to go, and that's terrifying, because of the state of the world, and the, like… I mean, there are… it's, like, very, very complicated, obviously, but…
Jena McCutchen: I'm wanting… really badly to choose safety.
Jena McCutchen: as if choosing alignment is not safe, and I know that that's not necessarily true, but I think…
Jena McCutchen: Yeah, I think alignment can force you to make some scary decisions, some really difficult decisions.
Jena McCutchen: And I guess I'm just sitting with that in this current moment. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Hmm.
Jena McCutchen: Bam.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you so much for sharing that.
Jena McCutchen: I don't know.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): it really…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): can be terrifying. Alignment, you know? And, like, even when we know in some part of ourselves that it's right.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It can be terrifying.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And something in your sharing, it reminded me some… it's sort of, like, become lore in my family, right? But we emigrated to the U.S, and some of it was, like, the push and pull factors, right? Safety and lack of safety, but also the pull of a better life and all of that. But my parents…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): had me, my little brother, and they were sitting around the fire in England, and my mom was like, you know, we gotta go. Like, we're gonna regret it if we don't go. We're gonna be sitting here at 80 or whatever, you know, and we'll be like, what would our life would have been? And we'll be in the same house, by the same fire, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): you know, it's… when I think of their lives, right, my dad, who grew up in a small mud, like, literally a mud hut in Assam, and my mom next to, like, a bombed-out house from World War II, you know, in England, and now we're here, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so, of course, looking back, you're like, oh yeah, that was the right choice, you know? And there were many years where I was like, would it have been better if we had stayed in England? I don't know.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): But I really have always come back to that, like, with the choice between staying and going, always go, you know? Always go. Unless you're like, oh no, I clearly know I need to be here, and my work is here, which I've had that feeling as well in the Los Angeles area.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And then the same with…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): when all of a sudden our lives got, like… like, we don't really have a choice, but I was sort of forced to move to Florida. Again, no shade on Florida for those who live there or love it. It wasn't somewhere I ever wanted to even visit, and all of a sudden, I was there, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): everything that I do now came out of that time, you know? So looking back, I can retrospectively see. But while I was in it, it was, like, the most…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): unstabilizing thing. And so it's almost like when we have the choice.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): it's harder, right? Like, because you have to choose the alignment, even though it's scary. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so then, I think it's just coming back to and being grateful for the practices that ground us through the upheaval, which is, like, there whether we choose it or not.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you.
Jena McCutchen: Thank you for sharing.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah!
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm looking, Celine says, no decision is likely to be perfect, and each choice involves a meaningful path. Yes, I think about that a lot in,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): terms of having a kid, because, you know, a lot of anyone else who's a parent, it's like, oh, should I put them in this school, or that school, or this teacher, or that preschool, or that, you know… and it's like, ultimately, they'll be fine.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): They'll be fun, they, you know? Like, all the paths lead to somewhere, you know, whatever college they go to, or whatever elementary school, or, you know,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): with love, with support. So that's true for us, too.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): In some ways.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Fine until we're not.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I want to say one thing, and then I'm gonna come to Miriam and then Laura.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Actually, let's go to Miriam, and then Laura.
Miriam: Okay, thank you.
Miriam: If I think about, being aligned with, like, thoughts, My actions and my heart.
Miriam: Then, what came up was, like, clarity?
Miriam: Somehow also small?
Miriam: it… made… Like, things that have been big before, became smaller.
Miriam: Not in a negative way, but, like, in a clear way, and somehow reduced and very simple.
Miriam: Without, I don't know the English word, ballast, like,
Miriam: Is this a word? No, that's not the word in English.
Miriam: Without, additional weight. I don't know the word in English right now, like… Light.
Miriam: Maybe.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you so much. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I'm just feeling the… that quality.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Yeah, of lightness.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And then there was another hand, and now I've lost it. Did you put your hand?
Laura: I had my hand up, and then I, yeah, I put it down since you said…
Laura: my name, but not realizing until you see it, but…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Laura, and then Gmail.
Laura: Yeah, it was funny, I was starting, except I'm on my phone, so it's hard to do the chat, but I was starting to type in just that I really appreciated… like you said, you never know what you're… what you may be willing to speak in, and how that speaks to others, and so…
Laura: gina sharing about, like, do I… do I stay or do I go? And, like, that kind of…
Laura: where is the stability? Sometimes, you know, is it in the staying, or is it in the going? And I was thinking about that in relation to, we are making a middle school choice, and it was so funny that you started speaking, Susanna, about, like, parenting and schools, and…
Laura: We've had a really beautiful experience in the school that our child's been in.
Laura: And it almost feels hard to choose what… what…
Laura: I know will be the more stable place for her for middle school.
Laura: And I know because I work in the middle school, that is the extension of the current school that she's in.
Laura: And so…
Laura: There's a level at which, like, we're really tempted to just stay because it's familiar, and we have relationships that are dear that we treasure.
Laura: But sometimes you do have to make that, like, what's gonna… it's not always easy to make the choice that you know is in alignment, and that you know will bring a greater depth of stability for the long run, because
Laura: Because there's loss.
Laura: in the choice in the short run, so… Just really appreciate this conversation.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you. Yeah, and it's that pulling back to the bigger arc.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I think that's one of the things I'm taking away from our exploration today.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Gina, coming to you.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Wait, Gina, you're muted.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I see you talking, but I don't hear you.
Gina Villarraga: Okay, sorry about that.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): That's okay.
Gina Villarraga: I just said, thank you everyone for sharing. It's been really insightful, and I am kind of that person that I… I bounce ideas off what everybody else says, so it's helpful. I think, in the meditation, I…
Gina Villarraga: I, visualized kind of, like, sitting here under the sun and feeling…
Gina Villarraga: like, very grounded, and very much kind of, like, different, like, but I guess in a good way, but I think the sovereignty really is a sense of…
Gina Villarraga: It's okay to pull out of mainstream, and it's okay to pull out of things that maybe don't align with you, but you've been kind of put in these systems that you've been forced to align with, and never even knew it.
Gina Villarraga: You see some nodding heads did, so I'm not totally out there today.
Gina Villarraga: So, I think… That is a very hard…
Gina Villarraga: Almost like a grief feeling, in a way.
Gina Villarraga: I've obviously been doing a lot of work with myself lately, so I might get emotional as I'm sharing with this, but, like.
Gina Villarraga: it's okay. It's okay. You know, that is to kind of go in that fear, or in that, you're not going to be very popular. You're not going to be the favorite. You're not gonna be, you know, you're pulling away from these systems, and that's okay, and trying to figure out
Gina Villarraga: Life in a new way.
Gina Villarraga: can be hard. There's… there's grief with that. So I think I'm just acknowledging that, and I also sense of, like, my ancestry saying, it's okay, you know, it's okay.
Gina Villarraga: There may be some… Some… some nurturing of the self there.
Gina Villarraga: That's what I wanted to say.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you. Thank you for bringing in the grief.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It's so real.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so present, I think, even as we're…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): In the process of becoming, right, and emerging.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): We had one question that came in that I want to, drop in the chat.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I'll just speak to it briefly, which was around certification and the Western construct, right? Yoga Alliance, particularly. How do I move in relationship to them? And I sort of started putting my thoughts together, and so I just figured I'd put my notes in the chat.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): it's an imperfect structure, you know? Like, all of these things…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): super flawed. I mean, it's only been around for about 30 years, and yoga's been around for thousands, and it came up, you know, in the sort of hyper-physical orientation of yoga.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And it's a gatekeeper. It creates access, for me as I came back from, like.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): one real… kind of reclaiming the roots of yoga, and then learning in India, and then came to try to teach in LA. No one would hire me, even with, like, all of that time and practice and study, and…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): So I had to go through training schools that offered certifications to be able to get the access to teaching. And so, because we work in this kind of westernized structure.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I wanted to provide that for you all, not because I believe that Yoga Alliance is the end-all be-all, I certainly don't, but for some of us, having that, you know, certification, whether it's a
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): YTT, or in this case, like, trauma-informed certification, can be that point of access that allows you to do the work that you're here to do in a meaningful way. And so…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): That's why we do that, and also acknowledge they're problematic and work to change them, or many of you, I know, are creating your own structures, you know, your own… your own kind of mechanisms for that. So just bringing that in.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I hope that's helpful, and also open to more thoughts on that, acknowledging the imperfection.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And then the last piece is I just want to… I did a little, like, quick little looking at, sort of the origin of the idea of the Great Mystery, which…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): does originate from Indigenous, spiritual beliefs, particularly Lakota Anishinaabe. And I think one of the things I want to name is, as we're exploring.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): It's like that, like, both-and, right? Like, it can have emerged in, like, I think Jung and other Western thinkers.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And even some of the Greeks, right? The Greeks,
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Zeno and Plato and all of that, like, talk about
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): mystery in various ways. And so it can be in multiple cultures.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): But because Indigenous, particularly, like, Indigenous in North America and the Americas.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): are undervalued, or under, under… they're literally erased.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): just being aware and being careful, I am trying to also be really careful of…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): highlighting and foregrounding Indigenous knowledge systems and not…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): putting forward, like, this came from, you know, Western culture as well. Like, of course it could be also there, but it doesn't erase that. And so just wanted to… to bring that in. Cleo, yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And I think you're…
Cleo - Turtle Island: Hi, thank you. Sorry, I'm… I'm coming back to Zoom and learning all the buttons again. I know we're ending, so I just wanted to say quickly, as a reflection with the meditation, I realize that sometimes I learn things slowly, which can mean looking at things very literally, and so I often look at, like, the
Cleo - Turtle Island: the thesaurus, the thethaurus, when I am,
Cleo - Turtle Island: Trying to really explore a concept, and so looking at sovereignty as a word, you can see that rain is right in the middle, very loud, and that brings image of, like, ruling and, you know, regalness and being in charge and responsible for things.
Cleo - Turtle Island: And then the word sove, I just did a quick Google, we're all complicit, sorry, I use Google. And it's a Norwegian word that means to sleep.
Cleo - Turtle Island: Apparently, and also to save. And so this image of, like, this very calm ruler, or this very balanced, authority figure.
Cleo - Turtle Island: and came to mind, and I think as I further sit in meditation about sovereignty and about the balance between that and the hymnza with others, I think I will sit with this very warm thought of this person in this very…
Cleo - Turtle Island: even keeled space as they project whatever they need to project. If that works for anybody, feel free to use it. And the last thing I'll say about that is that
Cleo - Turtle Island: It also made me think of the negative side of sovereignty, and people ruling over others, or trying to assert themselves and live other people's lives for them. Telling people what to do.
Cleo - Turtle Island: why can't you tell yourself what to do and not other people, is something that a little voice came in my head, and I was like, excuse me, I'm exploring, can you leave me alone?
Cleo - Turtle Island: So yeah, I'm very slowly exploring that, and then, so in terms of what came up for synonyms with sovereignty, autonomy was the big one that I was forgetting when I wrote my comment before. Why couldn't I find it?
Cleo - Turtle Island: We use this word so much, especially in this space. Why couldn't I find that word? So that was the missing word. Supremacy, which elicits kind of a shudder, personally.
Cleo - Turtle Island: Dominion, another negative connotation in my mind. Jurisdiction seems a little more even to me. And self-governance, which seems a little more foggy.
Cleo - Turtle Island: So… Yeah, that's what I wanted to share about that. Thank you for the space to do so.
Cleo - Turtle Island: And I heard everything everyone else said, and it resonated on a deep level, so thank you for your shares as well.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you, Cleo. And yes, thank you, everyone. This has been such a deep and rich exploration.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I love…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): what is also being shared in the chat. And, just to close us, because I know we're at time.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I want to underscore, you do not need to register with Yoga Alliance. It's really just, we provide that option for you if you want the certification through them.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): If it's helpful for you. Many, many people do not ask for that. In fact, just having the certification, which you'll get a certificate at the conclusion of, you know, any training you do with me, you get a certificate. Then you…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): You can use that, and that is absolutely plenty for most places, like schools or hospitals, or any kind of place that you would want to teach.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And… I just wanna say, like, ugh…
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): 4-year-old came in as Monica was writing, and said, why did you stop writing? I'm not sure what to write. Why don't you write about what you love? Sunsets, sunshine, flowers, Romani and Casa are pet names. So beautiful. She immediately went to love, and I'm on the right path.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so an invitation to take out with us
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Anything from today, anything that you're bringing with you, and to perhaps do what Cleo and all… many of you in your shares.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): everyone, really, who shared is in this inner exploration of sovereignty, right? Like, that alone, if we just explore that.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): More than enough.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And so, taking a deep breath, maybe moving intuitively, coming back to and inviting in, right? Like, before you go to bed, maybe there's just some intuitive movements your body wants to do when you wake up, some intuitive movements.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): I love seeing other people's intuitive movements.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And thank you so much.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Wishing you well.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): And see you soon.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Bye, y'all.
Selene Kumin Vega (she, her): Bye. Thanks, everyone.
Susanna Barkataki (She/They): Thank you. Can I mute and say goodbye?