Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So welcome to our spring
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): pilgrimage and puja for yoga class curator. I'm really overjoyed to get to spend this time together.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and I wanted to just begin in a moment with a practice. But before we do a practice, an invitation to share in the chat.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): have there been any new seats like new things awakening, I know for many of us there may be challenges, too.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and perhaps we can explore those challenges and see if there's any newness or any new seeds coming from within the challenge. If it's feeling like a a full and challenging time.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I know for myself
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): some of the seeds that are spreading are like new connections that I've made recently, and with working on Yokoga
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): That's been feeling very like like a budding seed. And so invitation if anyone would like to share and chat or out loud. And just as we're kind of like coming in to Orient towards that
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): reflection on
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): on the new start, and for some of us it might be helpful or supportive to take a mudra with all of your fingers and your thumb
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): brought together.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So just taking this madrat of the roots
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): moving into the chute
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the seed.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and reflect for a moment
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): what are the seeds that are
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): are emerging that are sprouting in my life? Where is there
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): color or
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): technicolor joy? Whereas their vividness.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and where
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): might there still be like time for things to be more
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): fallow or more restful
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): were
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): maybe those places where things are like in full bloom, right in in the flower, in the lotus. So just taking taking a moment
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): to reflect
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): before we do a practice
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I wanted to just invite you all to share. If you would like anything about the seeds, anything about what's budding in your life right now, anywhere, there's new color, new life. In the chat, or if anyone would like to share out loud.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Hmm! Funny finishing up a a course
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): on regenerative economics. So lots of new seeds there also, still building, reopening, combining Nova and social justice with grant writing and web development. Phew! Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that's powerful.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Justine. I signed up for Instagram.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): How's that going?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Express congratulations and condolences? Good luck out there. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I've been less on it lately, and it's been good.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'm excited for a new social social space that just yoga like to hang out there when
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): with the outcomes.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I feel like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): you know, sometimes so like what's budding is also what's dying like, what's letting go? And I I will say that theme
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): has been more strong for me recently, like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): while there's these new shoots, there's also a lot of like letting go, or almost like pruning. I'm growing
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): these
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): vegetables from seeds. So spinach, which I've never been able to successfully grow. It's actually shooting. And Arugula and one of the things I notice
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): it's so abundant. It's just a very small indoor.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I don't even know what you call it. Y'all like a gardener person. That's like a small indoor thing of seeds.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and there's actually so many that some of them need to be pruned, and I know that they need to be pruned, and it it feels weird to pull them up from the root, but I know that that's necessary for the rest to survive and and to grow. And then the beautiful thing is also
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like I get to eat them as I, you know. So it's like that cycle of nourishment, this, these little seeds, and so part of that new beginning can sometimes be in a place. Of what are you pruning? What are you calling? What are you letting go? Or and all? Honestly also, sometimes we don't have a choice like things are going away from us, or taken away, or dying away. And there we are, you know, with with what we have
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): looking at your growing. My Yoga community which is huge for me as one of the very few less than 3 black Yoga teachers in Vancouver
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): move I
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that really needs to change. And I was so glad you're growing your community
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): delicious. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'm definitely more in a season of internal winter, dying back right now. I know the seeds will come eventually. Yeah, just being in that place of when it's that kind of downturn or internal turn. Trusting and not
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I. I say this also to remind myself like not needing to force
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the spring when it's not, you know. Maybe spring where you are. But internally it's not that time, and that's okay.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Would anyone likes to share out loud
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): drinking little seats is hard for me, too. I end up trying to pot them all
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): yeah
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): 100%. Yes.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I've been learning, too, about, you know, in Clarissa Pinkle, Esther's book, Women who run with the Wolves, which has been one of those like formative works that I've read through the years
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): she talks about Petit more like a little death. And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): there are all these little deaths. I've brought this up so some of you might remember me talking about this before, but the the little death of the paths we don't take, or the things that don't happen. Like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): you know, I'm really not this person, but
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): now in this life, in this timeline. But there's another timeline where I was like a dancer right in some way, like a professional dancer, and I have to mourn that like. That's not this timeline.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And so there may be, as things
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): as things
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): go fallow or get pruned there. There may be that space for
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): for mourning, and for holding the grief and the anger and the fury at at what we can't have or don't have
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And for me this time, because it's a time of holy and a lot of India and the diaspora, and also in where I'm from in Assam, where my family's from. It's mug bih, which is like a spring festival to celebrate the
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the coming back of the crops, and all of those things in color and light, the days getting longer.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): My experience of the festival. So we're my family is very much a like a Durga and Kali.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): The community that
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): they're in is a Durga and collie worshiping community or Durga and Polly relationship.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And so there's a lot of
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): presence, of death and of ending, and of that which is leaving, even at the same time as we're celebrating, it's not separated, it's not seen as like, Oh, we're spreading color. And now everything is perfect. It's like things are dying. Things are being born. And there's always this cycle. And so bringing that
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): perspective
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): to the celebration, too, like, just because
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): there's grief or suffering in our lives and in the world. And there's so much in the world
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): it doesn't mean you can't be happy
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): in moments of happiness. And just because maybe you or I, or someone, is in a period of depression or grief, or anger, or whatever time we're in, it doesn't mean we can't enjoy really, truly enjoy, like, whatever it is, a cup of tea or a good conversation with a friend, or you know it, it's the both, and and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I think that holy, and that the festival and the way it's like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): kind of co-opted, it gets really
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): simplified into just celebrating the light and the color and everything's good. But that's not really. That's not been my experience of the spring festivals in this time. It's it's the both the both end.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So just pausing a moment to see. I'm sensing we're kind of in a more practice space
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): today. But if anyone would like to share out loud
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): small.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): we'll move into practice.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): You can always share in the in the chat as well.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I thought we would practice today
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): focused
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): on
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): both Sentosia like the joy of creativity and just joy, of
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like sheer being alive and embodied, and then also stop us like that burning passion and fire.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): so we'll take a little practice journey. So invitation to. If you have other things you're doing, or you have other applications open, if you'd like, and it's supportive to let those go
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and close them, or just
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): put them aside for
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a little bit of time.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and then find an useful way to be
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): whatever that might look like or feel like for you sitting standing, lying down.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and I will invite the bell to drop us in
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): deep breath in.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and a deep breath out
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): reflecting on
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Santosha.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And what
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): simple things
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): bring you? Joy?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Could be the sunlight on
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): flower, or your cat
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): texture
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): of a piece of clothing.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): taste.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): fruit.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the scent of something that reminds you
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): of a different time.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and then, perhaps, the kind of spiritual joy
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that deep sense of
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): satisfaction or peace
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that might arise in practice, like in meditation, or Asana, or
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): whatever formal practice you're doing, but also might happen
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): when something occurs
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that would normally get a rise out of you. And instead, you just laugh
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): or like, oh, I see that
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'm not. Gonna
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'm not gonna rise to debate and argue here.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): There's a kind of Samphosia kind of even contentment.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and at the very same time there may also be a drive to change things, to change something in your life.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): to change things in the world
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): top us a burning desire, a fire.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): passion for things to be
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): very different than they are
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): more fair, more peaceful, more equitable.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And this might seem like a paradox that in the very same practice we've got both
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): complete contentment
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and burning desire
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): passion.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and, in fact, it is a paradox. Both can be true
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): sometimes, even at the very same moment, and in the very same person.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So bringing awareness to, if they're
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): are any
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): burning desires in you
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): something igniting, perhaps your spiritual willpower.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): maybe an exploration of what's calling you on a personal cultural systemic level.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a balance of discipline and devotion.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Maybe another way of
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): reflecting on this? Is, is there a revolution
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that you are
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): building, that you are contributing to?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): That could very well be a restful revolution.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and you don't have to be creating it. You could be
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like one
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): droplet of water in the wave.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): It's continuing with that metaphor
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): being the drop of water in the wave.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): supported by the entire ocean.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So perhaps now resting a bit deeper into
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the trust that you've got so many forces, spiritual forces.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): allies, accomplices.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): holding you up, riding, flowing with you.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): even if sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And so right now, you might be really identified, really connected to the wave or to the drop.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): But remembering that you are also the ocean.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Interesting
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that interconnectedness.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): if you'd like, you can do a practice using our fingers
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and breath.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): inhaling, touching thumb and pointer finger.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): exhaling, keeping them and pointer finger together.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and as the breath shifts, switching to them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and middle finger
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): inhale and exhale
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): as the breath shifts moving to your ring finger.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Inhale.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): exhale
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): on the next inhale thumb and pinky.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): since Santosha is an invitation.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): we're invited to practice in a way to
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): cultivate joy
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): in any circumstance.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): to find that which is joyful. If we would like to
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): couple options for phrases you might use.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So the first thumb and pointer finger could be here.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Diamond ring.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Sorry Thumb in middle is.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'm in ring finger.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): happy
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and Thumb and Pinky Ness.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): if you would like to practice with this, it would look like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): 4 breaths.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Here is
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): happy. This
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): here is
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): happy mesh.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): If you prefer a different phrase, you can use any phrase you would like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): or the Sanskrit sound, sah? Na, ma.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): which means truth
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): is my name.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): We'll practice like this. I'll guide one more time. Both the English and the Sanskrit
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): inhale finger to them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Here.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): middle finger to them, is
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): ring the finger to them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): happy
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Pinky! To them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Ness
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): pointed to them
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): sa
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): middle to them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Ta
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): ring fingers at them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Pinky to them, ma.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): practice like this
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): for a few minutes on our own breath. Rhythm!
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): She breath in
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): full breath out
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): making circles
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): with your wrists
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): outward.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and we're in.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and then extending those circles. If you would like to your elbows, your full arm.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): just acknowledging. If there's tightness, or stiffness, or cracking, I never know if you can hear my my body, Prax, a lot.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I don't know if it picks up on the on the mic, but just being there with your body as it is, and then, if these circles feel good and you want to, you can move your whole torso, and I kind of circle
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like that wave.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): or maybe like the ocean.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and always love being reminded of the wave in the ocean and the Yoga Vesishta says one can have moments of realization, right? Moments of like. Yes, I am. I'm not. I'm not separate. I'm connected to everything. I am the ocean.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): but we must practice always. So that reminder of.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): you know, even after getting to be enlightened, the bit of practice
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): still meditated
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and built community built, Sanda.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And so you're not behind. You're not doing it wrong.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): You're not like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): There's no there's no there other than here. Right? So this is what is
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): yeah, moving in any ways that you want to just complete the
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the movement cycle
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and then keeping that meditative focus. I'm going to drop some questions in the chat, and you can feel free to journal on these, or just anything that's come up in our meditation
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and reflection on
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): some Tosha, and on top of.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So here are
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): questions.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): what ignites your spiritual willpower for practice
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): right now.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): how can you balance discipline and devotion? And you don't need to answer all of these. You can just pick one. Reflect on that.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): What joys and passions are calling you on a personal, cultural or systemic level, what drives your passion?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): What is Yoga asking of you right now?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): How can you heed the call?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Is there anything
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): getting in your way?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): How can you ignite your fire as part of the revolution you are contributing to, or nourishing or building.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Okay, so I'll play some music, and we'll reflect for
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): around 4 or 5 min, and then we'll share
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): O.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): A.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): In
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): to
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): do you
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): do?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Taking a minute more to finish up your thoughts
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): useful.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'm opening it up to see if anyone would like to share
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): reflections on practice on any of the questions
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): or anything going on in your life at this time
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): can explore from a Yogic perspective.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And I love your reflection in the chat. Invitation to rest is balancing. Thank you.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah. And sometimes, you know, this is like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I was meeting with a number of organizers who are working you know, ceasefire. And like pro-palestinian work. And and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): people burn out right like folks here. The things you're doing in your lives like it's very easy to burn out, and so
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): relying on
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): others to know that when we maybe pull back or take some time to rest.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): we're the wave, but we're also the ocean, so we can rest. And others can be that wave showing up to the actions or doing the work, and not in that way where, you know when it's our time again, we can rise and move into the wave, but
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): we can flow a bit more as opposed to to force.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and I feel like for me.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yoga, and the practice of it gives me the perspective to trust this, and also to see when I'm really trying to force this, when I actually need to rest.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): or
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the invitation to rest.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): My fire is igniting from color and art, sharing my love of planting seedlings and drawing with children that's beautiful. Hearing the young ones call for revolution. Yes, they are what gets in my way.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): In this moment I feel supported and nurtured by the radical permission to just be by a loving community. Thank you, Don.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Would anyone else like to share?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yes, Justine, Hi.
Justine (she/her): You know the
Justine (she/her): when you just dropped in the thing about the waves and the droplets in the ocean.
Justine (she/her): It's funny that image just stuck with me. How I just feel. I'm the drop, and I forget that the ocean is holding me up. And so there's that
Justine (she/her): that
Justine (she/her): constant, this has to do with Santosh, and rest too, like the
Justine (she/her): those pieces that are
Justine (she/her): on the bottom of a priority list.
Justine (she/her): because it's more of like a reward.
Justine (she/her): and it is a necessity. That's how I've been conditioned.
Justine (she/her): And so I'm just wondering about the
Justine (she/her): the siloing off. And and
Justine (she/her): and I'm thinking of it's always in my mind about the workspaces systems. Just
Justine (she/her): or so many years I've been in these systems that are set up to isolate.
Justine (she/her): And
Justine (she/her): this is what I was taught. This is how it is, and this is how we're supposed to show up in workspaces are in community, and I feel like it kind of broke down community.
Justine (she/her): And
Justine (she/her): and there's always this sense of
Justine (she/her): just wondering about trying to wanting to call out at the the harmful
Justine (she/her): parts to it.
Justine (she/her): and just how to
Justine (she/her): hmm.
Justine (she/her): because I don't want to continue with this harmful practice. That is something that is so ingrained in me. And I'm like in my 50.
Justine (she/her): So it's like, and so I've I've been masking all this time, thinking I have to keep up with that
Justine (she/her): system
Justine (she/her): when it's really completely harmed my health, so health
Justine (she/her): and
Justine (she/her): and it there. Then there's that
Justine (she/her): thing about pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps. That kind of
Justine (she/her): thing that was also
Justine (she/her): pushed in
Justine (she/her): my system as well. So I
Justine (she/her): I really want to be in a place of unlearning.
Justine (she/her): but also not feeling safe
Justine (she/her): to do so in the systems that I'm in
Justine (she/her): and also call them out at it, and I'm doing it sort of being a squeaky wheel. But then it's like
Justine (she/her): there's
Justine (she/her): especially at the elementary school level. That is like no way you don't go there so.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): thank you, Justine, for that reflection. I can really relate to it. And I want to open up to the community for any insights or any thoughts, because I think
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): for sure you're not alone, and there may be ways that other folks have reflected on this this tension.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I feel like just being in capitalism, you know, like late stage capitalism, there's so much tension between
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): what we might
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): want to do and contribute. And then the things that we feel forced to do, or that we have to do, or we don't feel like there's a choice. And then the systems that we're in work. Or
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): you know, other systems, family systems, cultural systems can
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): can really
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): exacerbate all of those things. So just opening it up to see if anyone has insights, or or inquiries, or reflections on what Justine shared.
Bonnie Walker (she/they): Justine, are you talking about the educational system? And specifically in Massachusetts?
Bonnie Walker (she/they): Okay.
Bonnie Walker (she/they): I do have thoughts and ideas. But maybe we should talk like on Whatsapp, or have a different conversation cause? I mean, I I left education for the same reasons, like 30 years ago, I lasted 2 years, and I was out. So
Bonnie Walker (she/they): yeah, it's hard when you're further along in your career. And you're probably financially dependent on it, too. So
Bonnie Walker (she/they): But the things off the top of my head are maybe getting more involved with nonprofits instead of
Bonnie Walker (she/they): the K 12 system.
Bonnie Walker (she/they): and then any alternative education
Bonnie Walker (she/they): venues that you could switch to. It's just as a Massachusetts pay teacher. You're probably gonna have to take a pay cut. I just Massachusetts pays really well, like here in Oregon. It would be a no brainer to like. Go do something else because our teachers get paid. Crap. So yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): as someone. I was in the educational system and various parts of it for
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): 15 or 16 years.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): more, if we count like the internships and stuff I did that were very low paid.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I was in college.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I think that sometimes I just tried to focus on like being the change.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): slowing down.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): doing things like using the restroom between classes, making sure I ate and was hydrated.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): inviting students to do the same, you know, like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): really counter cultural to the speed and the demands that most of the places I was working were moving at and and really like returning to basics like, am I tired? Am I hungry? Am I, you know?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Are students tired? Are they hungry? So they need a break? Do they need movement to? And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and I say that to say it wasn't always popular, and it didn't always work well in the institutions that I was working in. But it felt like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): it was really modeling another way to be.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and that message
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): transmitted. Sometimes I couldn't say it.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): but I could embody it.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and people got that message, and then
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the ones who were open to to receive it, and the ones who weren't certainly didn't you know?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): In a way, it felt like what I had to do, especially in the last, like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): half decade of of the work in order to just like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): be okay and be relatively well.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): had to slow down, and I had to do less
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and really prioritize like things like retreats or meditation spaces during the times that I wasn't working like have the the boundaries of my work life be very distinct. So I could take care of myself really intensively. I think of teachers like frontline workers, you know. I felt like I was, and I was doing so many jobs like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): social worker and therapist and educator and mentor for so for.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like an unfeasible Caseload, essentially right, like 300 400 students
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a week a day, and then every week.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): one of the things that that perspective helped me shift a, and also honestly like seeing that I was. The structures wanted me to be a tool in the school to prison pipeline.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): so that I was actually kind of like if I join the Peace Corps, or something like my presence in that country, was gonna probably be doing as much harm, if not more than good. I started to understand that my presence as a
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): teacher
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): was somewhat functioning in that way, but I could do what I could do to try to shift. So I was interrupting those systems and the way that they were, you know.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): going, which sometimes meant more pressure for me like I never failed students, and I never kicked students out of my class.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Because that for me was like, I'm gonna do what I can to help everyone here who comes through my doors graduate. But sometimes my class would be classes would be like 50 or 70 students, because the counselors need that. So they'd put extra people in my class.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): but all that to say, like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I made the choices that I needed to make
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): to address the structural inequities, the ways that I could, and then I also really took care of myself, and I did.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I didn't really strategize an exit plan.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I just I got let go
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): so. But had I probably been there a few more years I would have been strategizing an exit plan. I might imagine imagining, you know, that alternative, timeline is, it probably would have been around year 20. So I just because of the way I am, I'm very tenacious and very loyal, so I probably wouldn't like. It was time for me to go, but I wasn't seeing it, you know. So also, just like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): if there's other things like Bonnie saying that you can look into till those are my, my shares. Yeah, you are the shining star for so many students.
Bonnie Walker (she/they): Yeah. I also had the borderline cases stacked full in my classes. For the same reason I didn't flunk anybody. I gave them detentions, and made them do their homework with me so so they could brag about having a detention and and then time to do their homework. So.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Christine. I don't know if any of that's helpful.
Justine (she/her): Thank you, appreciate it.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'm strategizing for some time. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): is the same for me. And so and you know, nonprofits can be
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): better. But nonprofit culture is also, can be very
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): hard and devastating as well.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And perhaps there's other ways to work with young people that would be more sustainable or even different, like one of the things that I shifted to do at a certain point was work in a credit recovery program. So I was meeting with students, one to one. And my my
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): students that I met with was was around 30 every week, and that job it was different. You know. It was like a different kind of program. Was was really good
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): in terms of the
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): energy and my nervous system, and all of that, except for one of the bosses, you know, if you have a not very kind boss, no job is that enjoyable, even if it's the best job ever. And so it was that I had a yelling boss. So I I ended up having to leave. Dax was like, how did I end up with this? You know, verbally use situation again.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): so that was me choosing to end a pattern which I was proud of.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah. And the students will find their way. They will and they appreciate you for taking care of yourself. They really do. I still get notes for my students?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): It's really sweet, and they they'll remember you, and you will have had an impact. And you don't need to keep putting yourself in that position. If it's no longer right for you.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and that's for all of us, you know, is, and sometimes the exit plan can take some time like it may not be right in the moment you realize. Oh, I'm done with this. It may be there may be a transition plan for a year, you know, whatever it takes to to ease that for you.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): He did have burner in 2,013 teaching in California. And I returned to Massachusetts. Took a few years to go back into the system. Yeah, yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah. Late.
wade: Hey? Good afternoon.
wade: it's so funny because I feel like every time I join these calls like, it's like exactly what I need to hear, you know, like, based on what's going on in my
wade: and I was
wade: Gonna ask you if you could speak a little bit more about like
wade: setting those boundaries to end those patterns. Currently, I mean an organizing situation
wade: where
wade: the lead organizer is someone who's like verbally abusive
wade: and like
wade: kind of like in this modality where they're like.
wade: nobody showing up enough about it.
wade: And I'm just like.
wade: been reflecting a lot about like, Okay, I really need to set boundaries with this person, because I'm trusting that, like my capacity, like I am enough like that ocean, the drop, the weight, you know, and it like I had this whole interaction with this person a few days ago, where I got yelled at in front of a group of people, and it was like
wade: humiliating, and like also like really like
wade: mess with my nervous system in a big way. And I've just like had to be resetting and grounding to like.
wade: be like, okay, like, why am I even doing this work like, how do I approach it? And like
wade: reflecting on the notes, the thing about like what ignites your fire cause. I feel like my fire like got so dwindled after this interaction with this person is like setting boundaries and affirming those boundaries, honoring those boundaries. But I'm like, I think, because I've been so conditioned to be like a people pleaser in life, and like just show up for family and just show up and like, keep showing up. It's like.
wade: that's a weird that's like a different place for me. And I'm like, Whoa!
wade: Where do I begin? Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah, thank you for sharing. And first, like, I'm so sorry that happened. No one should be humiliated.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): No one should be held at
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): in private or in front of other people.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And yeah, that's not okay.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): makes me really angry and upset for you.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So just naming like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): yeah. And and I also can really relate, because I've been there.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And I remember once
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): a friend of mine.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Shaquay. She worked at a sneakers like a sneaker store, and her boss yelled, and she said to him, like, What makes you think you can talk to me that way.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): you know. And I she was relaying this story to me.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): It's like, Oh, yeah, like, we get to ask.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like, we get to
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): ask for
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): respect in communication.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): It's tricky, because you know, she didn't work there for too much longer. Because the boss couldn't change his way of communicating.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): But I think one of the things well, I wanna share some particular, like some tools
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): for me
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): around boundaries.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): But I think it's this. It's like sharing about these things when they happen.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Sometimes it's the community that reflects for us like that's not okay, you know. And and that gives us a strength and the
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the understanding, the wisdom to know that
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): that it's actually not all right, like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I had a pattern of bosses in all my jobs that would yell at me
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): or maybe I should say differently. There was a pattern.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): part of it was me learning how to
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): how to not
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): not tolerate that, you know. Like, set that boundary
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): doesn't make it. Okay. Doesn't make it my fault, you know. Ever
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): so
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I think defining boundaries was really helpful, like, what? What are boundaries in the world?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And why do they exist?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And for me, like what are some of my boundaries, and honestly like having that conversation with people in my life like maybe some folks here can think about like what are boundaries that you have, and and drop those in the chat, because the more we talk about them
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): the more helpful I think it is to realize, like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): we all have different boundaries. And they're all valid right? And sometimes.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like someone's boundaries may
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): cramp up against someone else's boundaries.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And that's okay. Then it's a negotiation. Then it's a conversation. But your your boundaries are yours, and so they're always valid.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I often use
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): model that I learned from Marshall Rosenberg. It's nonviolent communication.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And I'm gonna just share my screen.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): let me know if this is
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): helpful. Can you see my screen.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah. Feel free to to screenshot this. This is from the 200 h manual.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): But the idea is
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): using, I statements and then communicating.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): observing right without judgment.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): This is an example that I had. I dated someone for a decade who was always late.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): come to find out.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I really don't like that.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I didn't really know honestly until after the relationship was over, like how frustrating was. And then I met up with with him again.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): like 2 years later. Oh, we're just friends, whatever. He's still late.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): But now I have these tools right? So I observe
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): what happened. I observed that I waited for 20 min alone at the restaurant.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and I might say, like half the time that we said we would meet right, but that might feel a bit like judgment, but it's it's an observation.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Feelings. I feel angry, uncomfortable, and upset when my time is not respected
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): needs. I need to have my time respected, and then a specific request.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Make it specific, attainable, mutual. Can you arrive on time?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): since then
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): we haven't gotten together much, but he's been on time when we meet and I've learned
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): how important this value is to me. This boundary is to me. That doesn't mean, you know, if I'm meeting someone, and they're late, that we're not going to be friends. But I'll communicate that boundary. And so, maybe running through like what you observe around the communication how it makes you feel the need that you have
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and a request, and sometimes we can't necessarily do that with the other person.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): But we can run through for ourselves right like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): There's like my. Some of my bosses could not have had this kind of communication. They wouldn't have received it, or they would have just yelled.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and yet I can still
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): clarify and state my boundaries in a way it feels what I need, and then perhaps make that request to myself right?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And then in here I'm just gonna scroll to in case it's helpful.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I I actually wonder
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): where the this material is. I think you can still get it at the center for nonviolent communication.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): it's helpful for me. You can Google, though, like feelings, lists right like feelings when your needs are more satisfied, like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): when I'm doing activist work. I want to feel these things.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): not
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): these things right when my needs are not satisfied. I don't want to feel afraid or embarrassed or shamed, or you know.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And and that's okay. Just because we're doing
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): important work, whatever it might be.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): No one deserves to feel this way.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): We might
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): happen to feel this way while something is happening. But
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): people shouldn't be making us feel this way.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): That's a value that I have right. And so then.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): just knowing these are basic human needs, you're not wrong or different for needing or or having these needs right for connection.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): for physical well-being, for autonomy, for meaning, for play, for honesty, for peace.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): yeah, I'm just looking to see
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): this gets into more like.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): yeah, the Yoga yoga
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): psychology. But
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): this for me is is what I come back to
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): specifically this process, and that helps me validate
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): my own.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): my own needs, just remembering that there are basic human needs and that
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): boundaries are usually just
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): statement of a value or something that's important. You know, a need that you have.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): And
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): it's absolutely
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): What's the word like?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): It's so
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): appropriate to communicate
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): your boundaries.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): they're valid. No one gets to invalidate
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): what your needs are. You
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): get to state those and know them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So, stopping there and just checking in
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): chat
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): helpful.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Thank you. Okay, so it's you have to check out. Yeah.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): any
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): anything there, Wade.
wade: Yeah, this is all really, really.
wade: really helpful. Thank you.
wade: this has been a big, a big help. I'm
wade: like, literally about to have a call. So we're supposed to have an organizing call
wade: this evening. And I've just been like in this corner being like, how do I even prepare for this. How do I articulate boundaries like and just hearing? This is like affirming, because I think like the experience of like
wade: being you know, yelled at and like diminished and gasolit. It really makes you question like your own, like, am I just overthinking things? Am I just being too sensitive like
wade: I just need to show up. I just need to show up. I just need to show up. And it's like, No, actually, I think I I need to like, stand up for myself and like, affirm
wade: that
wade: my needs are my needs. And
wade: it's okay.
wade: like that's
wade: that's
wade: it's good. That's a good thing, you know, and not
wade: that is inconvenient. Or else like next spring, might.
wade: you know?
wade: Yeah, like.
wade: it's like, the question is that like we said, I'm like, How do. I did this already, but like
wade: life, you know.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yes, yes, like circling back around to the same learnings. It took me a very long time. It's still there for me, and and I do want to say. Jessica saw Jeremy's hands. I want to come to you, Jeremy, and I wanna say Jessica talked about like
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): The one other
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): pieces.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): It's not your job to change how they feel about you stating your needs. Right? So that's a big one I have to work on is like my needs are my needs, my values, or my values, and it may make someone else uncomfortable or unhappy, or they may be furious, or whatever. But I don't have to vacate them or change how they feel.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I just have to be responsible for knowing and naming my needs and my emotions.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Passing to you, Jeremy, did you have your hand up?
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Yeah.
Jeremy: Yeah, I had something for weight. Actually, in addition, because I've also been in organizing situations where I've been spoken over or had my ideas kind of
Jeremy: I don't know like trounced by somebody who sometimes there are these people who it's you. Just look at them. And you're like, okay, you you have to be right over me right like this is your attitude. Well, but wait! I heard you say that your fire had been
Jeremy: shrunken or diminished by this process. And so there is also the type of boundary which is, don't shrink my fire, you know my fire is gonna burn, and some of the practices that I've done to get that to work is.
Jeremy: if somebody does that to me, I will shrink, and I will feel awful. But the counter action, the the fight back on that is to make space for your ideas. Write them down, say them out loud into the room. Have it be that you are embodying these ideas? And then, even if somebody else is trying to gaslight you because a lot of people have these narcissistic personalities that they really wanna be
Jeremy: correct, and they can't. They can dish it out, but they cannot take it. So when you try to push back with boundaries which I think is appropriate. Sometimes you do get the response of, you know. No, I won't hear that.
Jeremy: But this works in kind of the way that prayer works a little bit like let's say I'll use Susannah for an example. This is not true between me and her. But let's say that I am like super mad at Susanna, right? And I don't want her to be able to progress in something. So I'm gonna have this like attitude. She's gonna be able to feel that on some level, and there's not gonna be room with me
Jeremy: to expand. But if I have already thought of you know what I would really love Susanna to be able to expand as brightly as possible in the world. Then around me, Susanna is gonna be able to grow more. And so the same works for you. If you'll be able to take up more space and grow more if you develop that territory to
Jeremy: be be present in the room with the other person. You don't have to say a thing, but you know they will eventually notice, and then maybe give you a minute to, you know, squeak in a thought, and if you've already developed your thoughts, it could be like Oh, well, here's thought, and then the person might be like, Hey, you know I had this thought, and like say the same thing, and they tried to take credit for. But the organization will get done. You know that your
Jeremy: contribution can be.
Jeremy: you know, adequately seen and heard in that space. Then.
wade: Thanks, everybody.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Thank you. We'll be sending you lots of
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): strength
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and care.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So we're a little over time. I wanna honor folks time, and we'll close now. I did. Wanna know, Justine, you might not have seen it, but I appreciated you saying you ask chat, Gpt. And I asked a question back. What do you ask? That's really helpful to think about cause I need.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I need. I often need to write things out, too, for myself, and that, like script that I put in the chat of observation feelings, needs requests with has been really helpful for me, and I come back to it often.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I use it for a colleague, I added.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): Oh, you would lay out the situation. You'd share the observations, acknowledge them.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): ask for a solution. Wow! That's so cool.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I love that we can utilize these tools. You know they're not always like right. But then you can check with your own intuition as to whether what they respond is helpful. Wow, yeah, these were facts. Yeah, that's so cool.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): So just wanna
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): thank everyone and invite you to take a moment to just connect to yourself.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): to your own sovereignty, your own presence.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and thank you so much. You can unmute and say goodbye.
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): and
Susanna Barkataki (she/her): I'll see you soon.
Bonnie Walker (she/they): Bye, everybody!
Carly Joelle: Good bye. Thank you.
Cleo - Turtle Island: Thanks, bye.
wade: Hey, everyone.
Carly Joelle: Good luck on your call, Wade.
wade: Yeah, thank you.
wade: Thanks.